Love

November 27, 2008

Today. A conversation with a gentle man whose heart runs deep. He told me that he knows he's dying, but he's known it his whole life. I wanted to argue with him and say he wasn't dying. But, the statement rung true to the depths of my soul. I didn't know how to respond and thankfully didn't feel the pressure to. I just sat there and looked him in his eyes. He told me that we often worry about the things in life that probably won't even happen, but the things we don't worry about in life will probably happen. He explained that even though he's worrying about his cancer, he will probably die from a heart attack instead. We went on to chat about the paradoxes of life...how one's worst event in life could turn into one's best event, how there is life in death, and how the cycle carries on. In this very instant, I felt the paradox, the beauty and sting of life...the joy that this man brought me through his life, but the sadness that this same man would bring me through his death. I realized then that the depth of love you allow yourself to feel for a person is the same depth of pain you are allowing yourself to experience later. If you're a chicken, you won't love deeply...it hurts too much, the pain is great. Love is for warriors. Warriors who believe the pain is worth it. This man is a warrior. He told me he was proud of me today and I weeped. I weep now. This man got to my heart, and so it is, I love him deeply. This explains the pain.